We Were Born with Wings

Angie Cross September 22, 2014

I believe we were all born with a beautiful unique pair of wings. For some of us it takes a very long time.... years and years.... to discover them. Once we do there is no limit to how far they can carry us.

I believe God created beautiful winged creatures to encourage us to let go by their demonstration of joyful flight.

Although we were not born with physical wings, I know they are there. I can feel them lift me up when I am filled with joy.

I believe by embracing our journey.... all of it... we give our wings strength and power.

The baby bird lets go of the branch for the first time and the butterfly emerges over and over, facing vulnerability because their instinct knows they will be rewarded for their courage.

I know in this life we will all face challenges, but we can emerge and trust that from the beginning we have had all we needed within us to carry us up and above.... the truth has always been there waiting for us to acknowledge it. Here's the truth:

We are loved just the way we are, and we are free to be the one and only one... the rare, unique and beautiful one we were created to be.

Once you believe this truth and tell yourself this truth, you will discover them.

My new artwork will be available soon to inspire you to trust and believe in your own wings and encourage those you love to do the same.

Searching for Joy.... Finding Courage

Angie Cross September 19, 2014

It's so good to be back! Problems with my computer and lots of transitions forced me to take a break from blogging. It turns out it was meant to be because the break allowed me to listen to something that was calling me to take notice. That something was....me. In search of the approval of others and trying to fulfill all the expectations I believed others had of me, not to mention the ones I had for myself, I had lost sight of the importance of my own authenticity and joy. I was feeling buried under the weight of it all, and was wondering why I felt like I couldn't breathe. It's amazing how many times I keep circling around to this same lesson. Every time the best way for me to dig myself out and get back to the truth is to create....

I am so blessed to have a 200 sq ft space behind my house that I have filled with things that bring me joy. It is my own creative space and it inspires me. When I find that I do not have the time to enter it, I know that my life is off balance and I am not listening to my true calling. I know I am a creative person and when I do not honor that instinctual need to create I feel a hole in my heart. I was reminded of this in late July as I started preparing art lessons for my sons' private school where I teach art to grades 1-6. As I started preparing art samples I began to feel happier, and my inner callings grew louder. Around this time I was also beginning to prepare for a talk I was giving to the San Marcos MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers) group...the international theme for MOPS this year.... "Be YOU....Bravely." I began creating an art piece just for me, that described my journey to find courage as expressed in my book, The Butterfly Knight.

As I started working on this piece I knew the theme was my difficulty with letting go. I also knew that I needed to speak to these Moms about recognizing that they need to honor their children's journey by holding them in an open hand, much like you would a butterfly. My story in The Butterfly Knight is that the armor I thought I needed to wear to protect my children was also hiding the truth of who I was. By removing it and surrendering to the fact that I cannot save my children, I was able to embrace my own vulnerability and reveal my truth, fears and all, to the world. One of my greatest fears of my life has been feeling vulnerable and standing up in front of a group of peers to speak. And of course what do I feel strongly that God has called me to do..... stand up in front of my peers and share my story of embracing vulnerability.

Speaking at San Marcos MOPS - Sept 2, 2014

I came across this quote yesterday that encourages me to keep speaking...

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience

in which you really stop to look fear in the face.

You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.

Eleanor Roosevelt

I truly believe that by letting go of all the things we are doing that are not part of the authentic life God has planned for us, we will discover the wings that have been waiting for us.

By the way after I shared my story with the MOPS group, a young mother came up to me and said, "If you hadn't shared your story tonight I would not have had the courage to speak in circle this evening. I never speak in front of people, and your story gave me the strength to do that tonight." There you go! Such validation. I know without a doubt we are called to live our lives openly and honestly. When we do we discover the community that has been waiting for us all along. And....we discover our beautiful wings that have also been waiting. Follow your own joy. It will lead you to courage and your wings:))

The POWER of Play

Angie Cross July 17, 2014

I have been thinking about play a lot lately. Mostly because when I watch my boys play, I find myself an envious observer.....wishing I could feel comfortable with jumping into the boundless joy filled mayhem.....but something is holding me back. It's FEAR. I am afraid if I lose control of my responsibility even for a moment someone will get hurt.

I have decided this is ridiculous and I am done with the drama I am creating and anticipating in my mind. I came to this conclusion only after I wrote a list of the things I knew about play from my experience and observation, and came to a truth that revealed the net in which I was caught.

Here's what I know to be true about play......

PLAY allows us to let go of our self so completely we have the freedom to be any thing, do any thing, and go any where.

Acceptance is easier at play because seeking joy (not fear) is the catalyst for play.

Play allows you to release boundless energy whose only parameter is a desire to feel good and be happy.

Play is best when it is done in the presence of others because together we can go to unexpected places.

Play allows you to try out your dreams, free of judgment.

The tools of play are laughter, movement and imagination.

In essence, the truth I discovered is that PLAY happens in the absence of judgment, fear, boundaries, control and isolation. PLAY is accepting, joy filled, limitless, uncontrollable, and fulfilled in community with others. PLAY, unlike any other activity, allows us to experience the potential of our true self in a welcoming spirit of acceptance.

These are the words that have encouraged me today to put down my shield and leap into the mayhem. I am acceptable, and play is the vehicle to take me to that truth. Find someone to play with today!

A Very Narrow Path

Angie Cross July 13, 2014

Sometimes I get discouraged and scared as I travel along the path God has chosen for me. Because it is a path no one before me has traveled, it feels at times very uncertain and scary. When I find myself focusing on the shadows that loom, and not the light ahead, I get very discouraged and find it difficult to continue forward. When I become aware of my fear, it seems there is always something that reminds me to stay the course. Many times it comes as a message from a child in my life. Just the other day as I was pondering and worrying about where my path was leading I came across this poem that my son Gabe wrote for me when he was 8 years old. He calls it a "word poem" because the beginning letter of each line spells a word.

A very

Narrow pathway but

Glorious angels I see.

I love the birds chirping in the trees.

Exciting pathway I am on.

When Gabe gave me this poem, I knew it was a message from God. My prayer today for all of us is that we have the courage to focus on light and the sounds of the chirping birds in the trees and the angels before us. It takes great focus, determination and trust to walk the narrow way chosen for us. As I sat and became encouraged by Gabe's words I as was reminded of this excerpt from The Butterfly Knight....

"As I pay attention to where the light shines, it awakens my internal instinct, and the parts where there is darkness whither and fade. The more I move toward the light, the more joy I feel as I move out from beneath the shadow...."

May the light of joy flood your path and give you the clarity and the faith you need to take another step. May it be so for all of us.

The Wheel of Truth

Angie Cross July 12, 2014

My husband, Joe, is an avid cyclist. He is really quite good, and even rides on a cycling team. Working in bike shops in the past, he knows a lot about the bicycle machine and how it works. He has told me more than once that building the bicycle wheel is an art form. He has explained to me that each spoke must be equally tensioned in order for the wheel to be round and "true". A "true" wheel means that the wheel will spin straight and not wobble from side to side. A good wheel builder can actually pluck the center of each spoke like a guitar string, listen to the pitch, and find the one spoke that needs an adjustment. One spoke can make the difference in determining if a wheel is balanced or unbalanced. When the spokes are engaged equally into the hub and rim, the wheel will be perfectly round, and its spokes will sing a single song.

I have often thought of how the wheel can be compared to community. In order for a wheel to run smoothly and efficiently, competition can not exist....there must be cooperation. Each spoke is equally important. Each spoke is crucial for balance to exist. The hub, the center of the wheel, is where the spokes are closest and where the strength of the wheel resides. The distance the spoke must travel to the rim determines the size of the wheel. The rim is where all the spokes are separate but united.

In my heart, I know that heaven could exist right here on earth if we could each see the value of our own and each others one unique spoke. Centered in the belief that God formed each of us perfectly (despite our imperfections) for a unique purpose, we could travel out into the world singing our universal song, one day arriving at the rim where we are all united in cooperation in one giant circle of peace. Find your spoke. Engage your spoke. We cannot be "true" without you.

A Message from the Sky

Angie Cross July 10, 2014

I was taking a walk one day, and as I was walking, I was obsessing and worrying about the outcome of our family. During this time Will was very sick and in and out of the hospital, and the ground we were walking on was not just trembling....it was quaking. I remember asking God if He could just tell me what was going to happen, maybe I could start preparing myself. I was so afraid. And then, as I turned a corner, a flock of yellow finches took flight in front of me. As I watched them flutter up into the sky I heard them speak to me very clearly. They said....

"If you want to be free....

you have to let go of the ground."

The message was so clear and pierced my heart so completely, I almost stumbled to my knees. It was so true and perfect. I had to let go. I had to let go of it all. As I struggled with the thought of letting go and the fear that stirred up inside me, I began to be envious of the courage of these tiny birds.

Sample folk art bird I drew for teaching children's art class.

The birds made it look so simple. I began to wonder does the bird choose where it will fly or does it just fly? But I already knew the answer. It goes where it is led and where it is carried. A mighty example set by such a tiny creature.

Somehow I knew if the bird worried about where it would fly and what would happen when it got there, it would never fly. The bird seems so confident in its truth.....trusting in the journey. The bird was born with its wings and its song. It didn't have to achieve anything or do anything to gain it.... it was already there.

It's so hard to believe that I, too, was born with wings and a song, and that I was born to be free, but I know it is the truth. When I remember the message from the sky I received that day, I realize that I really have to do so little. If I respond to the call, let go of the outcome and just be in the moment, honest and truthful, I feel the wind, like a soft summer breeze lift me up. And if only for a moment, I don't worry about the trembling and quaking ground I am standing on as it disappears below me.

What if Feeling Different Could be Wonderful?

Angie Cross July 8, 2014

I LOVE this video my Aunt Gayle in Canada sent me today! What I love even more is that it came to me only moments after having an hour long conversation with my older son who was struggling with accepting himself. It pains me so much when I watch my boys feel that they are not good enough....that their difference is not wonderful. Watch this video and be inspired to embrace difference.

Now isn't that an amazing show of acceptance and community? My boys and I watched it twice and then with tears in my eyes I said, "This is what I mean when I say 'Trust your wings and be free!' When you trust who you are inside, you catch fire and there is nothing you can't do. It's when your difference becomes 'wonderful'!"

I have a feeling I'm not the only Mom or parent out there that struggles with helping their children see how wonderful they are to us and others. I have told my boys so many times that there never has been and never will be another person like them on the earth that they now roll their eyes when I say it to them. How do you prove to your own kids that they are good enough and that they don't need to try so hard to be something they are not? I would love to hear your comments. I was so saddened today when my son said, "Mom it's more important that people like me than if I like myself."

We Are Meant to be FREE!

Angie Cross July 5, 2014

Imagine what it was like for Americans waking up on the morning of July 5, 1776. After all their hardship, sacrifice and struggle they were finally free! I am so grateful for what these men, women and children endured to enable me to live in a free country.

But even though I live in America with freedoms other people around the world can only imagine, I haven't always felt free. There have been times in my life, especially when my son Will was very sick and near death that I didn't feel free at all. In fact, I felt trapped in a nightmare of unpredictability from which I couldn't awaken. There have been other times when because of my own choices I have felt buried beneath so much busyness and unnecessary responsibility, that I have felt I could not even breathe.

Thankfully I have been reminded time and again from the children in my life that our lives are not meant to be lived in bondage. We are meant to be free!

Will made this for me one day when I really needed to be reminded of my freedom.  He was 7. — Will made this for me one day when I really needed to be reminded of my freedom. He was 7.

I know without a doubt that children are some of the most powerful teachers of our lives! When I take a moment to really be present with them and not think or worry about anything else, I open myself to the possibility of something magical happening. There have been so many times that I have witnessed a child say or do something so simple and so profound it has demonstrated that we are meant to be learning from each other. Just because they are little and have only been on this earth for a short time, doesn't mean that they don't know what's important. Their pure joy and ability to be present in the moment and express themselves honestly has inspired me many times to believe its okay to be me.

An example of this happened one evening at the dinner table a few days after I released my book, The Butterfly Knight, on Amazon. Our family was talking about how happy we were that this 2 year project was finally complete, when Will looked at me and said, "Mom, you need to make a t-shirt that says 'Trust your wings and be free!'" Joe and I looked at each other and were amazed at Will's understanding of the message in the book even though I had not read it to him or really talked to him much at all about the details other than the fact that it was about our family's journey together after he was born. His instinct told him it was about being free to be yourself.

He said, "It needs to be a blue butterfly with gold coming off its wings, like its magic." Then he got up and drew it. These 6 words have made such an impact that I sign every book at my book signings with this message, and they have inspired t-shirt designs and our new art prints. Because of my journey with Will I have learned to be open to messages coming from the least likely places.

New art prints inspired by Will's message.

As you enter today I pray that you will be filled with the hope of our forefathers on July 5, 1776, and that this post will inspire you to release the truth that only you can bring into the world. Let freedom ring in your heart, trust your wings, and take that leap! Don't worry your wings are stronger than you think!

The Art of Imperfection

Angie Cross July 3, 2014

When I was a kid I loved to do art, which mostly consisted of drawing and coloring. I would spend hours creating and would get lost in my projects. But as I grew my self judgment grew with me, and I quit doing art...not feeling my creations were good enough. When I had children of my own I loved to watch and encourage them to do art because I remembered how much joy it brought me when I was little. It wasn't until my son Will was very sick in a children's hospital that I began to be passionate about my own creativity again. Determined to make our hospital room feel more joyful I borrowed long rolls of paper, paints, markers and crayons from the Child Life department in the hospital and I began to cover Will's walls with art.

Some of the art we covered Will's hospital room with in 2009.

Creating the art, which Will directed, gave us all something to focus on instead of the fear and pain we were all experiencing. It also helped us connect with the hospital staff that entered the room. We asked many of them to sign the art and the bright walls brought smiles to their faces. It was this experience that helped me see how healing creating art without judgment can be, and it changed my life!

Magazine collage on recycled cardboard - simple flower drawn first by adult.

Upon returning home I decided to open a children's art studio. Partnering with a friend for two years we opened our doors to children and created a joyful positive culture within our walls. Giving children creative freedom to express their view of the world and themselves was an amazing gift for all of us! To me...the most beautiful art that walked out of our door was often the most imperfect. I found that the imperfection drew the observer in for a longer look and a deeper connection with the art. This experience released me to be less judgmental of my own creativity.

Painted paper collage on bright black card stock created by Gabe - age 9-makes an impact!

Even though my art studio is closed now, I have been blessed with opportunities to continue to teach kids art. I teach art class to grades 1-6 at my sons' school and I incorporate art activities in almost all of my occupational therapy sessions. I believe in the importance of allowing kids to create without judgment. When presenting an art project I like to provide some structure in the beginning of the lesson, but then give the artists freedom to explore and bring personal meaning to the project. Most of my art projects have a limited supply list to avoid the student being overwhelmed. Some of the children are uncomfortable with my lack of constant instruction and direction and throughout my art classes I have children ask "Is this okay?" or "Can I do it like this?" I always say "Yes!" and encourage, encourage, encourage, so the artist will begin to trust their own God given creative instinct.

Fun step by step bird drawn first then watercolored then details added in oil pastel.  Project found on www.deepspacesparkle.com — Fun step by step bird drawn first then watercolored then details added in oil pastel. Project found on www.deepspacesparkle.com

I have taught hundreds of art classes to kids and some of my favorite projects were done with a last minute gathering of art supplies. Art projects do not need to be expensive or have hours of planning to have a big impact. We all need to feel comfortable with just creating with whatever we have available when the mood strikes us. Below is one of my very favorite last minute art projects with Will when he was 5 years old. I have proudly displayed this piece in my office for over 3 years. Below you will find instructions for this activity.

Supply list:

* old book paper

* recycled cardboard backing from old spiral notebooks or packing supplies

* oil pastels

* black Sharpie - medium point

I love using recycled old children's books for art projects. Since they are children's books no need to worry about inappropriate words in the content. I pick up old children's books for $.50-$1.00 at a local thrift store.

1. I allow the child to draw a simple image like a flower, leaf, tree, butterfly, house on the book paper.

2. Trace exactly over the child's lines with the black sharpie, resisting the urge to make the lines straighter. The black lines gives the drawing definition and helps the child stay in the lines when coloring with the oil pastels. (Tip...always trace over pencil lines with sharpie before they color with oil pastels. The oil makes it difficult to trace over afterwards.)

3. Let the child color the image with oil pastels. I LOVE oil pastels! Their colors are brighter than crayons and the wax in them helps them glide easily on the paper. I NEVER throw away broken pieces! In fact the occupational therapist in me prefers them because when I am working on pencil grip using small pieces forces the child to pinch the piece close to the end with a more appropriate grasp.

4. Cut the cardboard about 1/2"-1" bigger than book paper and glue the art on the cardboard. The cardboard is stiff enough that the art piece can just be propped up on a shelf instead of framed.

Many kids are discouraged about their artistic abilities. I have heard many times..."I can't draw." "I'm not good at art." "Mine doesn't look right." And, yes, I have seen tears shed in the art room. I love to talk to kids about beautiful things in nature and how there are no straight lines, and nothing is symmetrical or absolutely perfect, but there is beauty everywhere. When we study a famous artist and do an interpretation of their art, I remind the student that the famous artist may have painted the same painting hundreds of times before they had their masterpiece. I encourage the kids not to be so hard on themselves. My goal with each class is for the kids to explore the technique and be free and joyful in the creative process. I want to create a culture of "Yes!" when we do art together, because this is their opportunity to explore their own spirit and view of the world.

I hope this post will encourage you to create art with a child. Don't just be an observer....be a participant. It is a huge ego boost because children are often very encouraging about what you create. I think you will find it to be very healing indeed! Joy to you this day!

It Takes a Village...

Angie Cross July 1, 2014

People are always saying things to me like....

When did you have time to write a book?

There's no way I could have survived what your family has been through!

You are a very strong woman!

The truth is I do not feel strong at all and there is no way I could do what I do and survive what we have been through if it had not been for our "village". One of the messages that I hope rings true in my book, The Butterfly Knight, is the fact that we were meant to live in community with others, and that God does not intend for us to do this alone.

I tried to "do this alone" for a very long time because I felt so responsible and thought it was my job to do so. But I soon succumbed under the weight of the armor I thought I was supposed to wear. When I finally threw down the white flag an amazing thing happened....

My eyes were opened to all the people in my midst waiting to invite our family into their village. It was here I discovered the African proverb "It takes a village to raise a child" is true.

"It Takes a Village..." will be a monthly blog series in which I feature in gratitude once a month a member of our village.

This month I want to introduce you to SHERRY WILLIAMS.

Sherry entered our life 4 years ago at just the right time! Will was 5 and Gabe was 6. I knew the boys wanted to fill their days with play and joy filled experiences, but I was so shell shocked from all the medical trauma we had experienced, it was hard for me to relax. I was afraid all the time that something bad was going to happen. Sherry was just what the doctor ordered. She would show up at our house several days per week with a bubbly spirit, a basket full of activities and enough joy to chase away the shadow of gloom we were living beneath. She was our version of Mary Poppins.

Sherry would call the boys "manlets" and when I would return home from work on a "Sherry Day" the table would be covered with art, the yard would have at least one "fort", and the wide eyed smiles on the boys faces as they shared stories of their "adventures" made my heart sing and sigh with relief.

As Sherry created art with the boys she would share stories of her childhood in the woods of North Carolina. She talked to them about the importance of family, respect, nature, and the fact that "growing up" doesn't have to mean you can't have fun. In fact she often told them "I'm a kid stuck in a grown up suit!"

Magical art collage made by Sherry for the boys.

Having Sherry in our home gave the boys opportunities to do some of the things I wanted to do with them but didn't have the time because I was too busy worrying about keeping everyone well.

I know without a doubt our family has survived because we have been blessed with people like Sherry in our lives. If it wasn't for Sherry, our boys would not have had the joy filled experiences they so desperately needed to balance out all the painful and fear filled experiences that had begun to steal their childhood away.

I am so grateful that Sherry allowed the little girl she once was....

to come out and play with our boys! Thank you Sherry for your wisdom and your commitment to helping our family see the truth.....

This moment is what we have....why not choose joy instead of fear?

You can discover Sherry's beautiful art and photography at

www.sherrywilliamsart.com

My prayer is that this blog post will help you open your eyes to the village that is in your midst and waiting for you.

Angie Cross

FIND your wings and be FREE!