It's so good to be back! Problems with my computer and lots of transitions forced me to take a break from blogging. It turns out it was meant to be because the break allowed me to listen to something that was calling me to take notice. That something was....me. In search of the approval of others and trying to fulfill all the expectations I believed others had of me, not to mention the ones I had for myself, I had lost sight of the importance of my own authenticity and joy. I was feeling buried under the weight of it all, and was wondering why I felt like I couldn't breathe. It's amazing how many times I keep circling around to this same lesson. Every time the best way for me to dig myself out and get back to the truth is to create....
My "Create Joy" Studio
I am so blessed to have a 200 sq ft space behind my house that I have filled with things that bring me joy. It is my own creative space and it inspires me. When I find that I do not have the time to enter it, I know that my life is off balance and I am not listening to my true calling. I know I am a creative person and when I do not honor that instinctual need to create I feel a hole in my heart. I was reminded of this in late July as I started preparing art lessons for my sons' private school where I teach art to grades 1-6. As I started preparing art samples I began to feel happier, and my inner callings grew louder. Around this time I was also beginning to prepare for a talk I was giving to the San Marcos MOPS (mothers of pre-schoolers) group...the international theme for MOPS this year.... "Be YOU....Bravely." I began creating an art piece just for me, that described my journey to find courage as expressed in my book, The Butterfly Knight.
Painting my story.
As I started working on this piece I knew the theme was my difficulty with letting go. I also knew that I needed to speak to these Moms about recognizing that they need to honor their children's journey by holding them in an open hand, much like you would a butterfly. My story in The Butterfly Knight is that the armor I thought I needed to wear to protect my children was also hiding the truth of who I was. By removing it and surrendering to the fact that I cannot save my children, I was able to embrace my own vulnerability and reveal my truth, fears and all, to the world. One of my greatest fears of my life has been feeling vulnerable and standing up in front of a group of peers to speak. And of course what do I feel strongly that God has called me to do..... stand up in front of my peers and share my story of embracing vulnerability.
Speaking at San Marcos MOPS - Sept 2, 2014
I came across this quote yesterday that encourages me to keep speaking...
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience
in which you really stop to look fear in the face.
You must do the thing which you think you cannot do.
Eleanor Roosevelt
I truly believe that by letting go of all the things we are doing that are not part of the authentic life God has planned for us, we will discover the wings that have been waiting for us.
"She discovered joy when she let go."
By the way after I shared my story with the MOPS group, a young mother came up to me and said, "If you hadn't shared your story tonight I would not have had the courage to speak in circle this evening. I never speak in front of people, and your story gave me the strength to do that tonight." There you go! Such validation. I know without a doubt we are called to live our lives openly and honestly. When we do we discover the community that has been waiting for us all along. And....we discover our beautiful wings that have also been waiting. Follow your own joy. It will lead you to courage and your wings:))